About seven weeks ago, Clark called me and said, I've signed myself up for this new workout place. Clark and I have been a bit concerned about how his schedule and general sleep loss has affected his fitness, so I was happy to hear he might have found a good solution.
"What's this place called?"
"Sisu Strength Academy? I think?"
"Well, that sounds like it would work really well for you."
"Well," Clark said, with a little hesitation, "I think it would work well for you too."
"Oh, I don't think so. I've just started a new running program, and I don't want anything to distract from that."
"But you're always saying how you can't do as much as you want to because you don't have the endurance and strength built up."
"Well," I paused, thinking. "We can't afford anything else."
So it went on like this. We can't afford it. I'm too busy. I don't like meeting new people. I just want to run again. Those types of workouts aren't really my thing.
But, I agreed to go with him to a free trial week.
The first class (a Tuesday) was the hardest workout ever. As the trainer-guy (as he was named for the next several weeks, sorry Nick) showed me what moves to do and as I watched everyone else do them, I almost laughed at how bad I was at it all. A foundational newbie. As green as it gets.
I was sore the next day. I couldn't walk down the stairs without clinging to the banister. But, the week was free, so I needed to go to the next class.
I still remember that workout. It was 10 sets of 10 front squats, with weight. I couldn't hinge down into the squat. My chest kept wanting to cave in, and I couldn't keep my elbows up as high as they needed to be. I couldn't even manage the bar, so I got the lighter bar. I did all ten sets -- barely.
Forget walking downstairs. I couldn't even sit down.
But I kept going, and soon the free week was over.
And I signed up for six more months. "I'll do some article writing and extra editing to cover the cost," I told Clark.
I go every day I can go, even when I don't feel like it. I don't even think about skipping. On days when I am sore, I think, well I'll go and see what I can do, and then I do it. On days when I am tired, I think, I'll be just as tired here at home, so I'll go and see what I can do. On days when I'm feeling down about myself, I think, I'll feel worse if I stay away, so I might as well go and see what I can do.
I took a before picture, and a month later I took a progress picture. I don't know if I will share those yet. I still have a lot of negativity about what my body can do. I still struggle with feelings of self-consciousness and shame about how I look, and I'm working on those.
But progress isn't all on the outside. It's on the inside. I stand taller now. My posture is better. I'm not on the lightest bar anymore. I can lunge with weights now, instead of just with my body. And I can run faster.
I think about food differently, but I also think about it better. My thoughts aren't about what is bad, but instead about what is good, what is more good, and what is most good. I try and fill myself with the things that are the most good, and what a difference there as well.
What a different mindset. Instead of I can't, or I don't think I can, or I'm just not the kind of person who does that sort of thing -- maybe think, "I'll go, and see what I can do." You might be able to do more than you ever thought possible.
