I've noticed lately that everybody has limits on things they are willing to accept, willing to do, and willing to change.
I think actual self-mastery, however, comes from expanding your horizon on all three of those planes.
Now that I am an adult and my spiritual views have been tested, I still avoid alcohol, but I would say religious reasons are not the main motivator anymore. I know my own weaknesses, and what vices I already struggle with. I don't want to need a drink to relax, to feel comfortable talking, to have fun, or to enjoy time with a friend. I don't want to risk the illnesses or side effects that can result. I could see myself needing it. I could see myself rationalizing because I am anxious sometimes or because I get overwhelmed. Because of my past experience, my risk factors for alcohol abuse are higher, and why should I test to see if that is true?
So, logic and spiritual convictions together have made a hard decision easier for me. I don't have to change something that I'm naturally excellent at doing. But, reflection has made me realize that I still have beams in my own eye.
I realized I have a comfort zone of changes that I find acceptable. I choose goals that are already within my grasp of what I might enjoy doing. I dismiss other changes as being too extreme, too limiting, too uncomfortable, too challenging. Why would I want to do that? Sounds like a way to never have any fun. It would be too difficult for me. We're all going to die anyway, so might as well die having a good time.
People rationalize themselves away from making real changes all the time. I just need to take it easy. I'm just not good at sports. I could never get up that early. I'm just an introvert. I'm not good at taking tests. I'm doing fine with things just how they are. They set goals within the confines of their comfortable limits. Sometimes you take baby steps toward a better path. Those steps are good and useful. But when the path suddenly requires more, demands conviction, demands commitment -- you stop walking and just march in place. And then you wonder why you never seem to be getting anywhere.
Self-mastery comes from the perspective that you're never finished progressing. When the path gets steeper, you dig deeper. There's always something better you can work toward. There's always more you can demand from yourself. Sometimes when we say to ourselves, "I can't possibly do more here," we really mean, "I can't comfortably do more here." Then we decide that this program or goal or journey just isn't working for us, and we look for something more comfortable.
This isn't to say that the only discomfort that has meaning is physical. Of course, the application to the gym environment is obvious. You might go every day and see no progress because you continue to do what is comfortable.
I think parenthood is one. Dealing with children can be very uncomfortable. It can be exhausting, painful, annoying, and require a great deal of purposeful focus and personal reflection. It requires self-control. Approached well, parenthood can be transformative simply because you're always in an uncomfortable place that forces you to get better -- if you let it.
Dealing with an injury is uncomfortable. You can face it in a way that allows you to grow from the experience. Dealing with mental illness is uncomfortable. You might have to do a lot of extra work to function when you're trying to improve that area. It certainly would be more comfortable to lie in bed than talk to a therapist. But only one of those will mean progression.
Try challenging what you're used to. Try pushing yourself to do something you don't really feel like doing. Try giving up something that you're still holding onto that's holding you back. Try adopting something that you don't like doing but that you know will be good for you. Try lifting heavier. Try going to bed earlier. Try waking up earlier. Try drinking more water. Try stretching even though you hate mobility work. Try going for a walk even though it's freezing outside. Try reading a book that challenges you. Try talking to someone you don't normally talk to. Try going deeper into that squat. Try something you think you're too old for. Try changing how you speak, how you think, and how you react.
You might think it is too hard. You're probably right. You'll probably fail.
But maybe try doing it anyway. It's the only way to keep moving forward.
