I Started on Tuesday

Today is Monday. Monday is when people start things. Or the first of the month. Or the first of the year.

Nadine turned 4 months old on Sunday. I don't know if it's the third pregnancy thing or if my mindset has changed or if I'm just getting older, but when Tennyson was 4 months old I had already completed an entire round of Insanity. I had sewn myself a new dress. I was on the path.

To offer a comparison, today I went to a step class at the YMCA. I had to stop at 30 minutes (the class goes for 45) because my knees were aching and the arches of my feet burning. I know why they are burning; they can't handle the impact with all the extra weight I'm carrying around.

I know what I need to do, but I also don't know where to begin. My pregnancy with my daughter did something wonderful for me -- it cured me of my eating disorder. I have never been more happy with eating food. I have never felt less guilty about my choices. However, in the past, I could also muscle myself through weight loss and workouts because I was disgusted by my body and I could motivate myself with negativity. I can't do that anymore -- and I'm not used to anything different. What worked once will not work now.

Without that devil on my shoulder, what's my motivation now? Maybe motivation comes because it feels like my body is falling apart every time I try to move it. Maybe because I am always hurting -- my neck, my back, my shoulders, my hips. Maybe because I'm so tired, and not just newborn-baby-nursing-mom tired.

Something has to change. I need new goals, and I need to believe in them, and I need to start. A New Year's Resolution to end all New Years Resolutions.

I read a few articles that suggested waiting until the New Year is silly. They said, start your resolutions now. And inside I thought, well I can't start this week, Monday is already here. But then the hopefully stronger part of me said, "Tuesday isn't here yet. You can start on Tuesday. Tuesday is just as good as Monday. Tuesday is just as good as January first. Tuesday is just as good as a new century."

Today is December 31, 1999. Tomorrow is my New Year, my millennium, my Monday. Tuesday is a good day to begin.