Most everything I want for myself is touched by idealism. It's not necessarily optimism because I'm probably more inclined to be negative than to see the glass half full.
When I envision the home I want for myself and my family, I see a home that is not fancy or too big, but not too small or too run down. I see it nicely decorated with nothing too glaring or out of place, but somehow not cookie-cutter or predictable. There is no clutter and people like to come over.
When I make a quilt, I see the finished product from the beginning and I will spend hours (no joke) just staring at the pieces as I arrange them to make sure the final top will look like how I imagined it would.When I plan a family vacation, I see myself forgetting nothing, dealing well with kids' inevitable misbehavior, feeling both fulfilled and nostalgic as we all make s'mores together as the sun is setting behind the hills, and the weather (of course) is not too hot or too cold.
Idealism is a wonderful tool for me, but it can also be one of my greatest vices.
Idealism is what leaves me constantly dissatisfied with my work. Idealism is what makes me surprised to actually succeed. Idealism is a source of depression and discouragement -- it brings "why try" syndrome on the coattails of a fabulous vision I might have for myself.
I see how I want to perform, I see what I wish I could do. When I go to try yet another power clean, I still can't get the movement right, even with all my concentration. When I decide to eat pizza with my kids instead of eating the way I see myself needing and wanting to eat, I feel like I can't match my own expectations.
When the quest for perfection is no longer a joy, it starts to steal joy away from you. It tells you that because you tried and failed again to complete a move perfectly, maybe you'll never be good at it. It tells you that just because you ate ice-cream (and got a stomach ache), that maybe you should just stop trying for the day (or week or month).
But the truth is this: There are no perfect days.
There are days when you wake up tired because your kids have been up in the night and you couldn't get back to sleep.
There are days where you skip breakfast because you're busy and then get so hungry you bail on your healthy plan for lunch.
There are days when you forget to pray even though you promised yourself you'd remember every day this week.
There are days when, no matter how hard you try, the buttercream just won't go on the cake the way you want it to (super annoying, by the way).
There are days when you're willing to wake up and work hard, but your knees are hurting (again), or your back is hurting (again), or your heart is hurting (again). So you can't work as hard as you want to.
Perfection is not an event, it is a journey, and it's not one we get to because one day goes exactly as planned. It's because as the days go by, we still keep making good choices in the face of less-than-perfect circumstances, even the circumstances we create ourselves.
So don't let your idealism take away what you've already done. Don't let it tell you that all your effort was worthless. Don't let it say that you're weak for taking a day to collect yourself, or that you failed because you didn't quite meet your goal.
Let your ideals push you forward, but don't let them hold you back. There are no perfect days.
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