Make Yourself

I've written a lot about mental health issues, but I've also written a lot about putting in the work, about being consistent, about being real and honest with yourself.

But I realized today that I've overlooked a big part of overcoming something hard, and that part is self-denial.

So many times a day, I think about how I wish I could go to sleep, or have time to myself (introvert life), fly to a warm country, or just sit down and eat a huge plate of lasagna.

And on my bad days, that's as far as I get. I dwell on those wishes until they are not positive thoughts. Instead, resentment bubbles up inside me. Why is it so cold, anyway? Why can't people just leave me alone? Why do I have to eat salad?

Slowly but surely, I become a victim of my circumstances. I give away my control to the small annoyances until I'm surly and irritable and grouchy and unpleasant. I'm at the mercy of my own whims and petty desires.

On my good days, though, I cross the bridge from wishes to reality. I look forward to when I can go to sleep, but I keep myself busy so I can forget that I am tired. I seize time alone by driving to the store by myself or by turning on an audiobook while I wash the dishes or by going to the gym to workout.

In a small way, I make my own wishes come true. Maybe not in the grand way I want them to be, but the day can end and when it does I can say, I did something today that matters to me.

But that can only happen when I embrace self-denial. It takes saying to myself:

"Self, someone has to do this, and today, that person is going to be you."
"Self, you can sleep soon, but right now you need to recognize that something else is more important."
"Self, it's okay that you are hurting, but you can still finish what you started."

Self-denial is not ignoring your feelings or even pretending that things aren't hard when they are. It's realizing that you don't have to do anything. Nothing will force you. No one will make you.
You don't have to eat salad. You don't have to work out. You can just stay home if you don't want to leave the house.

cross the bridge... 

You have to make yourself. Will that self be the person who complains at the first sign of discomfort? Or will the self you make have more determination to cross the bridge, choosing not to be a victim of wishes, but instead a creator of reality?

You don't have to. You get to. You choose to. You're going to.

You don't, for example, have to pick up your kids from school. Bad things might happen if you don't, but you still don't have to. You're going to, or you get to, or you want to.

You don't, for instance, have to finish that last set of burpees. Your body might want to quit, and you really don't have to keep going. But you're going to, or you get to, or you want to.

You don't have to eat more protein. You don't have to be kinder to your neighbors. You don't have to spend more time with your family.

Make yourself. And then admire what you made.