The Next One

I've gotten through some days of social distancing by listening to a few of my favorite books on Audible. I'm more productive when I listen to books. They keep my mind distracted as I go through mundane tasks like doing dishes and folding clothes.

Some books I like to listen to include Harry Potter (obviously), historical books like The German War or The Boys in the Boat, and nostalgic books like the Phantom Tollbooth.

But, I've started the colossal "relisten" of "The Way of Kings" by Brandon Sanderson.


For those unfamiliar with Sanderson, he's kind of a rising star in the world of high fantasy work. He finished the Wheel of Time series for Robert Jordan. His method of writing and worldbuilding is astoundingly logical and complex. He has shorter books -- the most popular probably being the Mistborn trilogy (totally great, by the way), but "The Way of Kings" is the first book of an epic fantasy series. The audiobook is over 45 hours long.

It's a commitment of a listen.

But the slow pace and the intense world creation, along with some brilliant characterizations, are perfect for quarantine.

One of the key characters in TWOK is Kaladin.

Kaladin was raised as a lesser race but in a relatively privileged home. He showed promise as a teen to apprentice as a surgeon, but Kaladin feels his true calling is in military service as a gifted leader and fighter. He joins the army in an effort to protect his conscripted younger brother from being killed.

In a series of progressively unfortunate events, Kaladin goes from a position of military leadership to the lowest of the low as a slave. He's passed from master to master until he eventually is sold to become a bridge runner on the front lines of the war effort.

A bridge runner's only job is to carry massive bridges for real soldiers to cross when they reach chasms between plateaus. They carry bridges right into the arrows of the enemy, and hundreds get mowed down at every plateau assault. Basically, to be a bridge man is to be condemned to death.

After a few weeks of the bridge runs, with open scars on his shoulders from the bridge cutting into him during plateau runs, Kaladin contemplates suicide. But, he figures if he has nothing to live for, he might as well try to make the lives of the other bridgemen better.

He saves his slave pay to buy medicine for the wounded.
He trains his men to lift and carry the bridge more effectively.
He convinces others to pool their resources for better food.
He unites the bridgemen into a team that works together.
He gets his men to value their lives.
He earns their trust, builds their health, and minimizes their losses in battle.

One of the most prominent quotes from the series is "The most important step a man can take -- it's not the first one, is it? It's the next step, always the next one."

Now, for some honesty.

I didn't deal with social isolation as my best self. There was a lot of Netflix, a lot of complaining, plenty of tears, and a lot of abandoning self-care for self-pity and apathy.

I didn't track my food as usual. I skipped workouts because I just didn't feel like doing them. I ate whatever I felt like eating, even if it made me sick later. I didn't read to my kids or homeschool them. I stopped teaching Tennyson piano. I gave up working on my quilt. I felt no pressure to clean, to plan, to prepare. And even though I'd have bursts of productivity, I'd quickly regress back to my rather dismal approach to daily life.

But one of the lies we tell ourselves is that if we've screwed up enough times, then we might as well just not try anymore. We do that with food (I've already eaten this, so I guess I'm giving up), we do that with parenting (I always lose my temper with my kids, and it's too late to change that), we do that with God (I've already messed up my life this badly, how could I ever be redeemed). Kaladin did that too -- every time he would try to help or protect someone, he would fail. He wanted to quit trying -- what was the point?

But the next step is the most important. It doesn't matter what steps you took yesterday, or last week, or last year. It matters what you do now, and a minute from now, and an hour from now, and tomorrow, and all the tomorrows after that.

If you feel like you're too broken to try, then just remember that you have nothing to lose if you keep trying anyway.

Instead of taking his own life, Kaladin decided if he was already dead, then he might as well give his life away to people he could help, even a little.

If you're not too broken, then you have something to work with.

And, a quote from Jeffery R. Holland (who says it better than me):

"The past is to be learned from but not lived in. We look back to claim the embers from glowing experiences but not the ashes. And when we have learned what we need to learn and have brought with us the best that we have experienced, then we look ahead."