Don't Be a Loser

How do you improve value?

If you're trying to make a house worth more, you might tear out that old carpet and put in hardwood floors. You might replace the roof. You might fence the yard, add some killer landscaping, or finish the basement. You might overhaul the kitchen and repaint the rooms.

You might, in your quest for renovation perfection, scour Pinterest and Instagram for inspiration, pinning posts of great before-and-after exteriors, awesome living room decor, and cool backsplashes.

A house is a thing that's basically defined by the sum of its parts. It can be appraised, it can become run down. If left on its own, it loses value until maybe nobody wants it. It might be better off demolished or given over to the fire department for a controlled burn.

Some houses are winners and some are losers.

You are not a house. You do not have value based on the sum of your parts. You cannot be appraised. If left alone, you will not lose value until nobody wants you anymore. You are not in need of renovation. You do not need to scour social media for ideas of how to make yourself over to improve your value.

If you have ever thought that you're not as valuable as another person, I am here to tell you to stop being a loser. As you compare yourself to other people and see your deficiencies as you place your life side by side with someone else, you choose to lose. You might wish to win, but someone is always better than you, so how can you possibly stop being a loser?

Now, some might feel motivated by wishing for the success and appearance of someone else. Isn't that a good thing? If your motivation comes from "not being a loser" because you won't have value until you change, then I'm here to tell you that there's a better way. Because, if your goal is to be a winner, someone else must lose. You inevitably wish to place someone lower on the rungs of life so that you can feel like a success.

Here are some signs that you maybe might hope for someone to be a loser so that you can be a winner:

• You think things like, "I might not be as fast as her, but at least I'm not as slow as him," or, "I'm lapping everyone on the couch."
• You prefer to be on the elite team, so that weaker members won't hold you back.
• You think like a victim, believing that mistakes are not your fault, but instead the fault of the people around you.
• When meeting new people, you immediately size them up based on your own ability, appearance, or perceived worth. 

If you want to stop comparing, there is a way. 

Stop seeing yourself as a compilation of attributes that bring value. 

People are not more valuable if they are pretty.

They are not more valuable if they are accomplished.

They are not more valuable if they are faster.

They are not more valuable if they are kind.

They are not more valuable if they are educated.

They are not more valuable if they own nice things.

Unlike a house, you don't need new windows and fresh paint to increase your worth. 

When you set goals for yourself, ask yourself, and learn the "why" behind the goal. If your goal, really, is to make yourself into a person who is more valuable, you've set the easiest goal in the world, because your value is already infinite. You were born with it. You can't possibly improve it. 

If your goal is to move past the limitations you have set for yourself, perfect. If your goal is to improve your health, excellent. If your goal is to give your best day in and day out, wonderful. If your goal is to draw closer to God or to treat others with increased kindness, you're on the right track. If your goal will help you see that you've been worthwhile all along, great.

Yesterday, I had a bit of an aha moment. I was doing all the burpees, and during the second round, my tank top was drenched with sweat and was getting hot and uncomfortable. I thought, "Gee, this would be easier if I could just take my shirt off." But then I thought, no, I'm not ____ enough to do that. Thin, toned, confident... just fill in the blank. And then I remembered, I am not a house. I don't have to be uncomfortable because I haven't met the renovation benchmark I set for myself. So I took off my wet tank top, and I finished the burpees much more comfortably. 

This is Nadine. She was not yet accomplished, fit, educated, well-spoken, or talented.
She has worth. 

Once you see yourself as a person who has infinite worth, you respect yourself enough to set goals for your own benefit. You don't hate who you are, you don't wish for the qualities of others. Instead, you accept that on your path in life, there's just one person, and that person is you. You can't win or lose that race -- but you can keep moving forward, moving up. Don't be a loser.