Raining

You can smile when you go out
And no one really sees how much you doubt
Their intentions.
You can take a hug or even give one
But no one really feels how you know
You might not matter.

Because even when the sun is shining
There's nothing quite like finding
Clouds when the forecast is clear.
The clouds are there
And they can't see them
So you worry and you wait and you fear
That you can never trust yourself to know
Whether or not it's actually raining.

When you're at the train station
No one sees you check your pockets again,
Tenth times the charm.
You can try to tell yourself not to look
But without reading ahead in the book,
There's no guarantee.

Because even when the world is turning
There's nothing quite like learning
That your world is just standing still.
The hours aren't passing
And they don't notice
So you hope and you work and you feel
That you can never trust yourself to know
What it's like for minutes to just tick by.

Even when the winter turns to spring,
Snow's still falling on your driveway.
Even when the road is straight,
Your path is always curving.
Even when you know it's in your mind
You can't quite help swerving
To miss the car or the deer or whatever is wrong.
You were sure it was there all along.

You can write all of your words
And risk that no one will ever learn
How you mean them.
You can speak the truth out loud
And hope that someone will see a cloud
And decide it matters.

Because, here, it's actually raining.